Keys to Family Happiness: Managing Conflicts
He says: “After we were married, Sarah and I lived with my family at my parents’ house. One day, my brother’s girlfriend asked me for a ride home in our car. I obliged and took my young son along. But when I returned home, Sarah was furious. We started arguing, and right in front of my family, she called me a womanizer. I lost my temper and started saying things that irritated her even more.”
She says: “Our son has a serious health problem, and at the time, we had financial trouble. So when Fernando left in the car with his brother’s girlfriend and our son, I was upset for several reasons. When he came home, I let him know how I felt. We had a huge argument and called each other names. I felt terrible afterward.”
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Managing Conflicts in Marriage: Why do conflicts arise, and what can you do to prevent them from ruining your marriage?
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IF A couple argue, does this mean that they no longer love each other? No! Fernando and Sarah, quoted above, love each other dearly. Yet, even in the best of marriages, there will occasionally be some conflict.
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Why do conflicts arise, and what can you do to prevent them from ruining your marriage? Since marriage is an arrangement designed by God, it makes sense to examine some practical advice's that help couples resolve conflicts peacefully.
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Understanding the Challenges: Most married couples want to treat each other in a loving and kind manner. However, realistically there are no perfect couples and marriages. So when disagreements arise, emotions may be difficult to control. And if an argument starts, some may find it a real struggle to resist bad habits, such as screaming and abusive speech. What other factors might cause tension?
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A husband and a wife often have different communication styles. “When we were first married,” says Michiko, “I discovered that we had very different attitudes about discussing matters. I like to talk about not only what happened but also why and how it happened. My husband seems to be interested in just the end result.”
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Michiko’s dilemma is not unique. In many marriages, one partner may want to discuss a disagreement at length, while the other dislikes confrontation and wants to avoid the subject. Sometimes, the more one partner pursues the matter, the more the other tries to avoid it. Have you noticed this pattern emerging in your marriage? Does one of you always seem to play the part of the discusser, and the other, the part of the avoider?
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Another factor to consider is that an individual’s family background may influence his or her perception of how married couples should communicate. Justin, who has been married for five years, says: “I come from a quiet family and find it difficult to talk openly about my feelings. This frustrates my wife. Her family is very expressive, and she has no problem letting me know how she feels.”
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Work to Resolve Problems: Researchers have found that the most reliable indicator of how happy a marriage will be is not how often the couple say that they love each other. Sexual compatibility and financial security are not the most important factors either. Instead, the most dependable indicator of marital success is how well husband and wife manage any conflicts that arise.
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Keys to Success—Avoid Damaging Patterns of Speech: No matter what your communication style or family background, there are some damaging patterns of speech that must be avoided if you are to apply wise principles and manage conflicts effectively. Ask yourself the following questions: ‘Do I resist the urge to retaliate?’,‘ Do I minimize or belittle my spouse’s feelings?’,‘Do I often assume that my partner’s motives are selfish?’.
| TRY THIS: Make a list of the positive things that your mate has done for you and the good motives that could have prompted these actions. Always remember: “Love . . . does not keep account of the injury.” Real love is not blind. But neither does it keep score,love “believes all things.” Not that this kind of love is gullible, but it is open to trust. It is not cynical, suspicious. The type of love that brings family happiness is ready to forgive and is willing to give others the benefit of the doubt. When mates display this kind of love for each other, they will enjoy a happy marriage.Still looking for a wedding photographer? Just contact us! Our managers will help you with all your needs and will create the most suitable packages for you. Our team consists of only professional photographers and videographers. So if you want artistic wedding photography for affordable prices, just book our services. |
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